The Days We Die
by ILoveBTR4eva
Summary: Logan just wanted to be with James. Was that such a bad thing? Oneshot of how James and Logan find each other again. Character Death, Self harm, EPICNESS! Enjoy and Review! :


**A/N: So this is a oneshot that is based off of my first fanfic. But I deleted it cause I haven't updated in like 5 months, and I don't think I'm ever going too… so this is what would've happened in the end, and it just kinda sums up the main point of that story.**

**As you can see its pretty long, BUT ITS GOING TO BE REALLY EPIC, I promise you. :P **

**ENJOY!**

**Oh and by the way the whole story is LOGAN'S POV. XD**

**AND THE ITALICS IS A FLASHBACK, CAUSE SOME PEOPLE DON'T COMPREHEND THAT -.- **

**Okay now you can enjoy… :D **

**XxX**

**The Days We Die**

It's been six months.

Six long, carefree, months.

Six months since I left this Earth.

It had been my fault from the start. An idiotic mistake, that cost someone his life.

James and I had been driving home from Rocque Records; Kendall and Carlos in Kendall's car. I was really excited to get home, and back to the Palm Woods. I had something really special planned.

We had been at the Palm Woods for four years. Camille and I had been happily together for those four years. And finally that day, on our four year anniversary, I was going to propose.

There was no one else in the world that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Camille belonged to me, and I belonged to her.

"_Hey Logan?" James asked._

"_Yeah?"_

"_You just passed the Palm Woods…"_

"_Oh, I did?"_

"_Yeah, where are we going?"_

"_No where, I just got… distracted."_

"'_Bout what? What's wrong dude."_

"_Well, I kind of wanted it to be a surprise…but"_

"_But? But what!"_

_I ignored him as I kept driving down the road so that I could make a U-turn. I stopped at the intersection, and turned to look at James. _

"_I'm going to propose to Cam-"_

"_Logan!"_

"_What?"_

_Crash. _

_And just like that my vision stirred. Blackness encasing my peripheral vision… until everything went dark._

**XxX**

_My eyes fluttered open, and were quickly blinded by the bright white of the hospital walls, and the fluorescent lights._

_I opened my eyes, only because I heard voices. Familiar voices. Carlos and Kendall's voices._

_What about James?_

_The hadn't acknowledged that I opened my eyes, so I took this chance to scan the room. _

_Carlos._

_The tears that flew out of his eyes stained him tan cheeks. His naturally bright smile had faded away. Hands trembling, legs shaking, eyes locked on Kendall. _

_I've never seen Kendall cry. But now I know what it looks like. And let me tell you something. It's terrible. Kendall never shows weakness. And I hate it._

_Was I really hurt that badly? _

_I heard muffled sobs coming from the corner of the room. I looked over to a shadow, where a person sat, crouched in the corner. _

_James?_

_No. _

_Camille._

_Her cries were silent and muffled, but I could see her small form trembling. Her head rested in her hands, and she leaned forward onto her lap._

"_Wait, guys! I think he's waking up!" Carlos shouted, with a shaky voice._

"_What!" Camille exclaimed. She got up from the floor, and ran to my bedside. Taking a seat on the edge of the hospital bed, she flashed a bright smile at me._

_Well at least she didn't slap me._

"_Logan…" She said. _

_I gave her a sweet smile, and reached to grab her hand. _

"_Nngh… Ow." I groaned. My body was in so much pain. All over I ached. My morphine must be wearing off._

"_Woah! You better relax, buddy… you- you broke a few ribs…" Kendall said, as he gently pushed me back down. _

_I refused, and held her hand anyway._

"_Camille, I love you…" Her eyes, which have recently become dry, brimmed with tears._

_I looked around the room again. I was confused. Everyone began to stare at me, as if something was wrong with me. _

_I was missing something._

_There was something the weren't telling me._

"_Where's… where's James?" I asked._

_I remembered James being in the car with me, but nothing after that. Was he in the hospital too?_

_Carlos immediately, as if on cue, began to cry. His sobs shook his body in a gruesome manner. _

"_Kendall!" I shouted at him. He looked down, and I saw tears coming from his eyes. _

"_Guys? Where is James?" My voice was panicky, shaky, scared._

"_Carlos?"_

_No answer._

"_Kendall?" _

_No answer._

"…_Camille?" I saw her shake her head. "No Camille, please! Please tell me. I need to know! I need to know… Please." I felt my eyes start to water, and it blurred my vision. _

"_Please…" I whined. _

_There was silence. I decided I should at least try asking one more time before I start going crazy._

"_Camille please… If you love me, tell me where he is." I knew that put her in a tough spot, but I had no choice. I had to make this hard on her. I know that she loves me. She has no choice but to answer me._

"_Logan." She sighed._

_My eyes rolled around the room. Their faces showing hurt, fear, sadness. _

"…_James is… he's… he's gone, Logan."_

_No._

That's when it had started. Camille was no longer my world. My world was James' world, and I was trapped inside. I was lost without him. James and I were always the closest out of the four of us. Without him, I had no clue where to go, which path to take, or what to do with my life.

It may seem corny, but losing James was like I lost a part of myself.

James was literally right down the hall in the hospital morgue. Kendall and Carlos kept pushing me to go see him, but I refused.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Knight and James' mom were planning his funeral. It made me feel guilty that all I could do was sit in my hospital bed all day, and wait for my ribs to heal.

They tried to comply for my sake. They wanted to hold the funeral till after I came out of the hospital. It was only like two weeks later, but still it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

I didn't _go_ to his funeral. I didn't think I could handle it. It was all my fault from the start. _I _was driving. _I _wasn't paying attention…_ I _killed James.

Me going to the funeral would just ruin everyone's mood. Those countless days I spent in the hospital bed made me really think. I had become _really_ depressed in those two weeks, and Kendall, Carlos, and Camille were starting to worry.

They couldn't imagine why I would blame myself. Or how there was nothing I could've done to prevent it.

Well it happened.

It took me about three months to finally crack.

I had recently took up the hobby of releasing my feelings by cutting myself. It was the only way I could let go of what _I _did to James.

But it was when Camille started to get in my face about being depressed, that everything blew up.

_Carlos couldn't have been nicer for switching rooms with me. He's now with Kendall, and I have James' old room._

_Sometimes I feel lonely. Sometimes I wear James' pajamas to bed. Some people think its strange, but I miss him._

_A lot. _

_Cutting myself was the only way to go. Knowing that I have doctor smarts, it wasn't the best idea, but it's the only way that worked._

_Mrs. Knight sends me to therapy every Thursday. And I hate it. The therapist always pressures me to say what's on my mind. I know that's their job, but they really need to tone it down._

_Some of the Palm Woods residents say I've gone crazy. And the only thing stopping them from pushing me to the edge is that they don't want to see me go either. _

_Yes. I have become suicidal. _

_But only because that's the only way I will ever see James again. I want to see him._

_Camille tries to tell me that everyone wishes they could see James again. They all wish he was still here with us in person. But I'm just going to have to wait till it's my turn to go._

_I don't want to wait. _

_I threaten whoever pisses me off. I tell them I'll go kill myself… and they back off._

_Today is Thursday, and once again I walk the familiar walk to the lobby, and then to my car. _

_I have to be careful where I walk though. All week I've been avoiding Camille. She keeps bothering me, and pestering me, asking if I'm okay, or if I need anything._

_Looking where I walk, I continue to go through the lobby._

"_Logan! Wait!"_

_Damn._

_I turned around on my heel, and saw the familiar face of Camille. It's funny, because as I remember, three months ago I was going to propose to Camille. Now that ring is safely hidden under my pillow. _

"_Hey… Camille."_

"_How you holding up?" _

"_I'm fine." I said in a venomous tone._

"_Logan what's really been going on? You've been avoiding me, and I'm starting to worry about you even more."_

"_Haven't you done enough worrying! God, Camille! Just leave me alone! I said I was fine!" I started to walk away quickly from the crowd I was drawing in, heat flushing my cheeks. _

_I heard Camille call out my name, but I had no intention on answering her. _

_I found the sound of my rubber soles slapping against the parking lot calming. I focused on each step I took, walking my way to my new car. My last car was totaled from…the accident. _

_I began to drive slowly and carefully to the therapist, careful not to kill another innocent person._

**XxX**

_It's been a few hours since I left therapy. Just like any other week, it went terrible. That lady annoys the hell out of me. And to top it off, I was trying to relax with the guys tonight…well just Kendall and Carlos… and Camille decides to drop by. _

_Oh joy._

_Right now she's seated next to me, which is starting to get me upset. I told her before I left today to leave me alone. _

_If she loves me so much… why won't she listen?_

"_That's it! I can't take it anymore!" I shouted, as I rose from the couch. _

"_Logan? What? What's wrong?" Carlos pleaded._

"_Don't act like you don't know what's wrong, Carlos! Everything is wrong! Can't you see! James…he's- he's never coming back! And it's all my fault! I killed him…" I immediately regretted yelling at Carlos, he was always a tad sensitive. But right now my anger is coming out… and I know what I have to do._

"_Logan, please calm down." _

"_No! Shut up Kendall! I will not calm down! You want to know what's been going on? Huh? You want to see what I'm like without James?" _

_Surprisingly I wasn't crying. But I could tell my face was red with anger. They just didn't get it. So I showed them._

_They all watched me as I placed my hands at the hem of my long sleeved shirt, which is an article of clothing that has come a pretty important part of my wardrobe now, and lifted it over my head, revealing my bare chest. _

_Cuts could be see all over my arms and stomach. Prominent little red hash marks everywhere. _

"…_Logie. Kendall said in a soft voice. "I- I had no idea it was this bad…"_

_I saw Carlos and Camille's eyes start to tear up. "Yeah well it is!" I said furiously. _

_Silence._

"_I'm leaving… bye." I said, as I grabbed my shirt off the floor, and walked out of the apartment. _

_Running as fast as I could, I went all the way to my car, hopped in, and immediately turned it on. I could hear Kendall, Carlos, and Camille shouting my name as they ran towards my car. I hastily sped off into the distance, leaving them behind me._

_As I drove down the road, tears blurred my vision. To make matters worse, it was pouring outside. The windshield wipers didn't even help._

_I knew I wasn't that far from the Palm Woods, because I could still make out the famous building behind me from my rearview mirror. _

_Driving faster now, I turned the wheel even though I didn't have to. It sent my car spiraling out of control. _

_Making the best of the situation, I let go of the wheel._

"_This is my chance…" I said to no one in particular. "This is my chance to see James again."_

_Crash._

You might be wondering why I wanted to hit that tree. I thought I had died. And if I did I would be back with James.

But I still had a long way to go before I died. The second crash _was_ enough to put me in the hospital though.

You're also probably wondering where Mrs. Knight and Katie are right about now… Well, they're actually in Minnesota for two weeks.

Helpful, isn't it?

_I'm back again. _

_I was so close too. I swear I saw the gates waiting for me. James right behind them. Greeting me, telling me to join him._

_But here I am back in the hospital. _

_Much to my expectations Kendall, Carlos, and Camille were also there in my hospital room. _

_Triple joy._

_Well, there's not much I can to about it so I might as well open my eyes. _

"_Logan?…Can you here me?"_

_No._

"_Camille?" I asked in a strained voice._

"_You can hear me." She said with a smile._

_She sat on my bed near my left arm, Kendall in a chair on my right, and Carlos at the foot of my bed._

"_Hey buddy!" Carlos said with a smile. _

_It was nice to see him smile after so long. A nice, genuine smile._

_I ignored Carlos' words and looked back to Camille._

_I hated her._

_I leaned up in my bed, only to be met with jolts of pain through my body._

_Bandages covered my face, chest, and arms. But I could still move. _

"_Camille." I said sternly._

_They each gave me a curious look. _

"_Yeah?"_

"_I hate you." I heard all of them collectively gasp._

"_What?"_

"_You heard me! You caused this. You made me want to kill myself. Please leave."_

"_But Logan…"_

"_I said leave!" I shouted. _

_What I did next I never should have done, but I did it anyways, and man did it feel good!_

_I punched Camille. Square in the face. She lunged back a bit, and Kendall rose from his chair. He walked over to Camille and tugged on her arm._

"_Come on Camille, just go. He doesn't want you here right now." Kendall said softly._

"_But I don't want to leave!"_

"_Camille, lets go."_

"_No!" She shouted, as she pushed Kendall away from her, making him fall on the cool tiled floor. _

_Camille landed on top of him, and started to hit him, with tears running down her face. _

_All I could do was stare. _

_Was this really all my fault?_

_I heard a bunch of whimpers come from the edge of my_ _bed. It was Carlos. _

_I knew what he was thinking. Because I was thinking the same thing._

_James is watching us right now. He wouldn't want his closest friends fighting. He wouldn't want hell to happen down here, while he's peacefully waiting up there. _

_I heard the heart monitor to my side start to speed up to a dangerously high rate. Slowly decreasing back to normal. _

_My heart beat, occurring less and less. Slowly stopping, till I hit the reoccurring beep._

_Flat line. _

"_Guys! Guys!" Carlos shouted._

_They stopped for a moment and looked at Carlos. _

"_What!" They both shouted. _

"_He's gone…"_

**XxX**

_I looked around at my surroundings. Blue skies, green grass, snowy mountains, me in white clothes…_

_Heaven?_

"…_Logan? Is that you?"_

_James._

**XxX**

**A/N: THE END. Yeah I told you it was going to be long. BUT IT WAS AWESOME RIGHT? I'm really proud of this one, like you have no idea! **

**Let me know what you think in a REVIEW! **

**Kay my weeping corner is lonely, BYEE! ^.^**


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